Grumble, Grumble, Grumble

My sister-in-law called me out today...
"Dude, what's up with your lack of blogging?"

Writers block, that's what's up.

I am not feeling creative or funny.  I'm tired.  I thought the sunshine would help.  Nope.

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Also I weighed myself this morning and seriously I think my body is on strike.  I am working out no less than 4 days a week (usually 5) and tracking every GD thing I eat.  My clothes are loose, I packed away my winter clothes and brought out the Spring/Summer clothes and a bunch of stuff that didn't fit last year fits now, but the scale is not going down.

It probably didn't help that I ate out Thursday night, Saturday night, and Sunday twice.  It was for a good cause however, Kim's Birthday!  The Tums and I have become quite close in the last few days.

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I've also decided I am officially old.  If Tums are now a staple in my weekly grocery shopping and Tom keeps some on his night stand, we are officially old.  We have successfully skipped parenthood and gone straight to old people.  We also may or may not have prune juice, a blood pressure monitor, and wear slippers inside.  Help.

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My work got me an Administrative Professionals day card with a gift card.  It was a day late.  They said it was because I didn't remind them.  REALLY?!?!?

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Well my friends, stick with me.  Hopefully I'll get out of this slump soon and my usual charm and wit will be back.  Until then grumble on.

XO XO

Let it Snow...Let it Snow...STOP (expletive word) SNOWING ALREADY!!!!

Oh hello...did you know it's April 19?  Yeah me either...nothing about today or this last week has reminded me that it's April 19.  I keep waiting for Easter, then realize that was like a month ago.  There is no grass, no flowers, no sun, no sandals, no nothin'.  Can you tell I'm grumpy?  I'm seriously reconsidering my decision to stay in Minnesota next year.  I think Lucy states it best...

Tru dat Lucy...True dat

Last night I yelled and snapped at Tom for no reason other than the fact that it was snowing.  He thought I was having a absence seizure, whatever the hell that is, because I was literally staring outside not moving not saying anything just fuming.  This morning I might have cried a little in my garage while holding the shovel (which I now have a very close relationship with).  There is no end in sight to this weather either.  I think it's the end of the world.  For real.  

Last night when the tornado sirens went off I literally ran around our house like a crazy person yelling, "Tornado Blizzard, Tornado Blizzard" or "Addie stop licking and get downstairs so you don't blow away in the tornado blizzard you're white and no one will find you!".  No one bothered to tell me it was the nationwide test for the sirens.  Seems to me they should test when it is actually Spring not the middle of winter.

Here are some pictures from yesterday.  I took all except the one of Twins stadium which I found online.

Isn't it just the loveliest winter we're having this Spring?  I told my work I was going to work from Jamaica next week...I don't think they realize I'm serious.  The only type of blizzard I want to see for the next 5 years is this:

I've had enough.

XO XO,

Grumpy Molly

Barre. Not Bar. Although I would probably be a lot better at Bar.

Have you heard about the new (maybe it's not new I might be behind the fad) fitness trend that incorporates Ballet???  It's called Barre or Ballet Fusion or something along those lines.  It's crazy intense, at least the ones I've gone to, and is nothing like the ballet I experienced in Ballet 101 at the University of Iowa (I may have taken that class 3 times).

The class is an hour long.  The first time I went I started out strong.  I thought, "I can totally do this!  I took Ballet 101 three times I'm totally advanced!" then we got done with the warm up.  *$&@&  THAT WAS JUST THE WARM UP?!?!?!  At one point I looked down at my watch thinking surely the class had to be almost over (it started at 5pm)...it was 5:08pm.  *#@*&^$  I'm gonna die.

The class description is something along the lines of, "This class utilizes the classical ballet style to strengthen and tone your whole body.  No dance experience necessary."  I imagined a grand piano with a live pianist playing classical music and doing some plies.  That seems realistic right?!?

The class description should be, "This class requires you to be very coordinated and have at least 5 years experience doing fitness on your tipy-toes.  You must be able to do 10 different fitness moves on your tipy-toes with your knees bent all at the same time.  You must enjoy loud dance club music with a fast beat and have quadriceps of steal."

One of the moves we recently did required us to be standing at the bar with one hand holding on for dear life the other hand holding a free weight, while we held a ball between our knees and had a resistance band around our ankles.  We were then to move our hand holding the free weight up and down and our ankles in and out while not allowing the ball to fall.  Confused???  Maybe this diagram will help...

Please take note of how awesome my bangs look in the diagram.

Needless to say I spent more time chasing my damn ball around than I did doing the move (which really wasn't so bad considering I got to take a break).  Towards the end of the class the instructor had us doing 1 minute planks followed by running man things and I literally looked at her like she was crazy and laid there in child's pose.  Just when I thought we were done she yelled "8 MORE!" and I started packing up my things.  By the end of the class my legs were spaghetti.

My bangs keep getting awesomer and awesomer.

But I didn't feel too bad because the instructors legs were shaking too.  Now the real kick in the balls???  The locker room is downstairs so after this rip roarin' fun you get to walk down the stairs and back up just to leave.  I may or may not have gone and sat in the bathroom stall and cried a little.

The good news???  After two weeks of taking this class my pants are falling off me and I'm down an additional 6 pounds.  I guess I'll keep going.

XO XO,

This weekend I'm taking the BAR class

How Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Smells, and Exclamation Perfume all go together. Also another Donkey Picture.

The sense of smell really is quite extraordinary.  Although I would much rather lose my sense of smell before losing my sight or hearing, to be able to smell is much more than actually smelling things.  Did you know you only really taste salt and the other tastes you think you are tasting are actually the smells?  (I'm pretty sure this is accurate but don't quote me.)  Smells can also transform a simple task into a long lost memory.  For example, maybe every time you bake chocolate chip cookies and smell them in the oven you are transported back in time to your grandmother's kitchen.  Or maybe every time you smell coconut your transported back to a beach with tanning oil.  Who knows?!?  Often these types of memories sneak up on us.

Well yesterday as I was busily working checking facebook for the 77th time a smell snuck into my office that transported me back to my elementary school days.  The maintenance guy was using Goo-Gone to get some sticky stuff off a cabinet.  Now you may be wondering what Goo-Gone could possibly remind me of from elementary school, but alas that is the craziness of how our sense of smell triggers these memories.

When I was little I was in love with the book / movie "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (the original not the creepy one with Johnny Depp).  I pretty much wanted to be Violet (the girl who turns into the blueberry) just so I could go to a place where I could lick the wallpaper and eat the marshmallow flowers.  As you'll remember she always was chewing gum...

So to really follow in Violet's footsteps I decided I would chew gum and often thought it would be cool to stick it behind my ear.  Then of course I would forget about it and shower with it back there and sleep with it back there and wake up and guess what?!?  It would be stuck all over my hair.  The first few times this happened my mom got out the Goo-Gone and was gentle and almost felt bad for me.  After it continued to happen my Dad just cut the gum out of my hair and my Mom would yell, "GET THE GOO-GONE!"  and would more or less rip the gum out of my hair.  Then to punish me she would make me go to school smelling like Goo-Gone because of course I still had to make it to the bus stop and there was no time to take a shower.  I would usually try and mask the smell with some perfume like "Exclamation" which I'm pretty sure you can still buy at Wal-Greens.  Let's just say the two smells together did nothing for my popularity at school which was pretty much already nonexistent.

Now I do take some responsibility for this, but seriously why did they keep giving me gum?  I literally got gum stuck in my hair at least once a month for years (this may be a slight exaggeration but not by much).

So yesterday, when the awful Goo-Gone smell crept its way into my office I was transported back to those hectic mornings getting gum ripped from my hair trying to make it to the bus without anyone noticing that it was me that smelled.


XO XO,
Smelly Molly